Tough choice?

Which is worse:

• Someone calling you his girlfriend but he doesn’t treat her like one, or
• Someone who don’t call you his girlfriend, but treat you like one.

Guys are complicated creatures? I thought that’s what the guys thought of the gals?

Gals want time from guys, but some guys refused to give time to them. Instead they spend more of his free time with his friends, and it’s not that he’s got a lot of free time too.

What do gals really want? If you can’t get the option of having both the ‘name/label’ and girlfriend treatment, which one would you choose?

Tough choice?

Maybe…it just depends on what you really want ba~

This is what you mean by ‘you can’t have your cake and eat it’.

Sometimes you just have to make your choice. And either or, the scenario will never be perfect. But that’s what you call life.

And that is what makes a simple life more complicated and also more challenging and emotional.

Still so true…

在错的时候遇到错的人，是一种荒唐。
在错的时候遇到对的人，是一种可惜。
在对的时候遇到错的人，是一种浪费。
在对的时候遇到对的人，是一种幸福。

I was just trying to look for this phrase to show to J while I was talking to him on msn about this thing. He was feeling sian recently about some ‘knots’ in him.

This is still so true…

Lots of people ask, but I dun ask.

I always believe that no matter what I say, the person himself/herself will ultimately decide what they want to do. No point giving comments if he/she doesn’t want to listen to you at all.

And if he/she wants to say it, they will eventually say it someday. No point being inquisitive or pressing.

Anyway…hope u get out of it soon, of whatever is troubling you now.

Someday and somehow, you will experience what is said of the last line.

Soon.

More than one love?

Had caught a bit of the channel 8 show (百万宝) just now before I went for a show. In it, one guy was saying that it was a pity that ladies cannot allow guys to like more than one person at the same time, coz guys had too much love to give and had to have more than one love. But they would never leave the main one at all, coz the love he had for her is not weak enough for him to leave her side.

And I chanced upon this when I read Elvina’s blog:

Many men told me before that if a guy really loves someone, he will go all out for her.

So what do we make out of these 2 totally diverse statements?

Declare the guys being the most faithful creatures on Earth? Or give the benefit of the doubt?

Why are some guys so devoted to their one and only love while others seem to want to distribute this exclusive love with so many others?

Given the differences between men and women, I don’t think we can put 2 together and analyse both genders’ behaviour the same way.

So with the statements above and to put them together, can I assume that guys can be able to love one only and totally go all out for his love, but if they do not totally devote to the other they will also want to distribute some of their kindly love out to some others while physically being with the main one?

Or straying out is seen as looking for some excitement? Or purely just wanting to compare and contrast while looking for the RIGHT person?

Sometimes, I do believe in horoscopes to try to understand a person’s behaviour. Maybe it doesn’t apply to everyone with the same, say Geminian, horoscope, but it somewhere or other they might have some slight similarities. From there, we can try to understand one’s behaviour.

When a person gets jealous, would you think that he/she loves her/him so much that they are afraid that they will lose her/him? Or that they have just no confidence about keeping her/him by their side?

Ladies tend to become jealous when their guys seem to be especially nice to other ladies. Too nice for one’s liking, that is. But on the other way round, the guys normally don’t care so much about being jealous when their ladies do the same thing. Sometimes I hear about ladies lamenting to their guys on why they cannot feel jealous about the same thing, and begin to doubt their love for them.

But the first statement is true for ladies being jealous. Guys must understand this fact that if a lady does not feel anything in her heart no matter what he do, it is time for caution.

Jealousy is not to control but sometimes we can’t even control ourselves. That is, if they truly love a guy. Though the same thing might also display a lack of confidence in themselves. There are just too many things that can possibly encounter in a relationship that you can’t guarantee it from being 100% safe. No sane person will be able to prove it.

And gals sometimes just have to understand that we ladies are totally different from men, hopefully the guys too. And accept it.

Choices and consequences

There is someone (A) whom you liked to death, but not ready to commit to you or anything, and most of the time not around with you.

Then came along someone (B) whom you think you do like him, though not as much as ‘A’ , and in addition is always there physically and emotionally for you.

There comes a time when you feel like settling down. Would you wait for A for the time he wants to settle down, because you love him too much? Or would you choose B coz he is there for you although you do not think you like him as much?

A question that lets you know whether you think with your heart or head.

What had prompted me to talk about this was because I read this scenario somewhere.

The lady chose to marry B, although he is not of her first choice.

So sad for ‘A’, coz he lost someone who loves him dearly when he could have kept her by just making a choice. A commitment, that is.

A chance of a lifetime just gone like that.

But the lady couldn’t wait indefinitely, can she?

A woman loses her value as she grows older.

Waiting doesn’t guarantee ‘A’ would end up together with her too. Waiting is equivalent to a gamble; no one can promise a win in the end. And there is always a ‘what-if’ factor present there, coz so many things can happen during the wait.

Just like letting the lady meet up with ‘B’. And ending up spending the rest of her life with ‘B’.

Life is full of surprises, ain’t it?

You’ll never know what lies ahead of you…and where you’ll end up at.

Have you ever thought where you’ll end up at and who you’ll end up with, if you had chosen the other route at that point of time.

So many people might not have crossed your roads, and you might not have met up with that special someone that you are with now.

Or you might have lost that someone coz you are not willing to walk on.

Or it might have been too late even if you decided to take that step now.

Just like Jay Chou in the MTV…it was too late when he decided to change, coz he lost the one whom he loves and who loves him too.

 

Right person, wrong time, wrong place

Feeling not so good these few days. Other than the aching on Saturday, my nose been stuck on and off, plus my tummy has not been feeling good, in addition of being quite bloated now. Not being able to sleep now…shouldn’t have downed that Blackforest Ice Blended just now.

xoxoxo

Meeting the right person at the wrong time really makes a great difference. Sometimes things couldn’t happen just because of some holding back, some issues, some concerns that makes people analyse something to bits.

Some decisions, once made, can actually change one’s destiny. Even when one starts to change your mind about something, the ending might not end up the same if you had made the same decision earlier on.

In other words, once lost, you might not be able to get back the same thing…

It was a pity that things don’t turn out as what I had hoped to. All along I had thought something should progress but unfortunately things are much complicated than what I thought. I couldn’t say much because ultimately, this is between 2 other people, and it wasn’t up to me to decide or interfere.

Because to me, if I like someone, I would just go ahead with it. It isn’t my style to think of what would happen in the end coz I know that if I try, I wouldn’t regret on what will happen after that coz I had given myself to try it and given my best shot in it. I wouldn’t want to think back someday and blame myself on why didn’t I had forfeited the chance. This is also because to me, if I tried, it meant also giving myself a chance and things could have actually worked out what I wanted to it be. Anyway, no one would know what would happen even though you might try to anticipate the ending, coz things and situations are always changing, which could ultimately change the whole scenario anyway.

Now one side has decided not to proceed when the other one had changed the mind to go ahead after hesitating it initially. Reason being to avoid awkwardness if things don’t work out; to rather maintain the friendship than risk it and take the chance of a higher level of relationship.

Maybe there’s more to it which I don’t know, but since it was not said I did not probe. In fact, the reasons and what exactly happened were told to me when I least expected it.

It’s a pity…really.

I would have liked to see them together.

Compatibility or tolerance?

Picture from Ms Minda

When two people get together, is it a matter of compatibility or a degree of tolerance and giving in?

Was just talking to L***** yesterday and he was insisting that whether a relationship makes or breaks, it’s all a matter of how much you can tolerate the other half and whether you can bear with all the humps and bumps along the way.  And he was so adament that there is no such thing as compatibility, coz it all boils down to whether you want to give in to the other person, or whether you wanna adjust to suit that person, which then lead to whether you fit with that person or not. In other words,

TOLERANCE –> COMPATIBILITY

I thought that somehow sounds logical. Why?

There are no two people in the whole world that are completely the same. So unless they are, the two persons will not be considered as compatible with each other. Each person must perform a certain degree of tolerance to the other in view of their differences, whether slight or not, so that they end up complementing each other, instead of clashing at everything that they do not see eye to eye.

In my view, 2 totally different persons can be together, if they are willing to work on/with each other, to iron out the differences. There is definitely something where it irks you of the other person, but the only issue is, can you accept it?

Working women are the reason for high rate of divorce…or so they say

Was reading this article on Today and at first thought, I felt the writer sounds quite…errr….an MCP.

IMO, I felt that his take on attributing higher divorce rates to the increase number of working women in the society was lop-sided and old-fashioned.

True, many women nowadays are more independent due to the fact that they are more financially stable and have the ability to look after themselves. But this does not contribute to the fact that they would be more ‘motivated’ to divorce once things go wrong in the course of the marriage life.

Like he said, getting a divorce is not cheap. And definitely taxing on both parties.

There are definitely many reasons which could lead to divorce. Incompatibility & infidelity could most probably be in the top of the list.

The mindset of people has definitely evolved through the years. What folks used to think previously as offending and shameful might now be viewed with a different eye. Even like gays and lesbians, people are generally more acceptable to this group of people as compared to those of the older generation.

So divorce is not longer frowned upon like last time. At least not as bad as the olden times.

Women continue to work after their marriage and having children….main contributing factors for the high rate of divorce.

…if wives are also working, they feel stressed and complain about doing housework after their day in office.

So, the author believes in the husbands sitting around and shaking their legs while the wife slogs it all out to do housework.

So the author believes that the husband should be treated on hand and foot while the wife serves him dinner and drinks.

Sounds like a maid, don’t it?

IMO, I somehow feel that the blame for divorce had been pushed to the females. And it also seemed to suggest that such decisions are mostly because of the fault of the women, make or break.

It’s unfair. There is no indication of the reasons behind the divorce which might be due to the men. Coz he didn’t highlight that divorce can also be due to the infidelity of men.

So if men goes astray, should the wife keep quiet and swallow it?

Or if the man keep suspecting the wife that she has an affair behind his back, when it is just that the man is just paranoid about the whole issue. So should the wife just swallow the unnecessary insults and abuse in this lack-of-trust marriage, or is there a necessity to scoot?

As I said, there are just too many reasons to lead to a divorce, but this pushing of blame directly to the women is just an act of jumping to conclusions.

Double or quits?

do u believe in platonic relationships between a guy and gal?

ok ok, i agree too that this question is so passé…

how about…if one day you find out you like your good fren / best fren / chummy buddy / [enter whadeva word u can think of], would you profess your love for him / her?

i’m not asking for advice here la.

yes, i do believe in platonic relationships, and gosh…i don’t really know how to answer that second question. i hope that i would not need to, no, make it never need to answer that question.

i won’t know what to do lor.

sometimes, people would take the risk of expressing their feelings to whom they thought was their buddy, at the risk of losing the friendship.

of coz, there will be some who would hold back about what they feel. most probably they treasure the friendship more than wanting a relationship at a higher level.

this, some way or other, leads me to think how different men and women can be in thinking.

to me, gals want to find out the truth behind each happening, regardless if the truth hurts or not. guys, on the other hand, prefer to turn away and run, to totally avoid the issue.

come to think of it, i have seen such a ‘phenomenon’ happening a few times in my life before. some of the guys whom i’ve liked before (and they realised later that i like them), actually shun away or avoid me after knowing that (yeah, i get rejections too). it used to frustrate me coz i can’t believe the cowardice of some guys (which was what i thought at that point of time) and that a gal (like me) could be more 潇洒 than the guys to be able to return to as normal and pretend nothing has happened.

as i slowly grew older, i realised it’s not that they are cowards (maybe they are…*shrugs*) but because guys have differing ways of solving a problem, one of which is…running away.

so can i say that gals are somewhat braver here? heh~

in a scenario where a guy hang out with a lot of pretty ladies, the reactions they get from ladies and men are also different.

men would be envious of that guy, coz they feel that this guy should be 艳福不浅, and that it is a ‘glam’ thing. however, from a lady point of view, she might label that guy as a flirt, a casanova.

a simple thing can actually lead to two totally different views. how amazing.

ladies are complicated creatures in the eyes of men, but i beg to differ.

guys are equally complicated, in the eyes of ladies.

sometimes i don’t understand the logic or rationale behind their thinking and reaction to ceetain matters. so i label them as ‘weird’.

in actual fact, complication arises all because they don’t understand each others’ thinking totally. and if one doesn’t try to understand the other, conflicts arise.

and that is why John Gray is so famous…for what he has written in his books.

so…

WOULD YOU RISK FRIENDSHIP? OR WOULD YOU RISK THE ONE YOU LOVE?

Is the grass always greener on the other side?

does the grass always look greener on the other side?

watching the 大男人，小男人 show on Channel 8 got me thinking much more than while watching other shows.

human beings tend to yearn for things which are not within close reach of them.

when one is in love, one sometimes will think of wanting to be single coz being together seemed to be of too much of a problem. whereas on the other side of the boat, one who is single would yearn to have someone by the side.

Something stirred in the heart

a colleague mentioned to me about this Bon Jovi’s “All About Loving You” MTV…

he asked me if I would be touched if someone does the same thing to me, that is, to learn how to sky-dive just to be able to perform something like that.

actually, i dun really like to be asked those “what-ifs” questions. coz most of the time I cannot visualise all these scenarios and then relate about how i would actually feel. so i might end up not being to answer to such questions (sorry, so anti-climatic too).

ok, ok, I admit I have poor sense of imagination regarding these things.

as to what that main did for his girlfriend in the video, and IF i have to put myself in her shoes…

i think it depends a lot on WHO that guy is, and how I feel for him ba.

if that guy is someone whom i feel for, I should be feeling real touched ba.

of coz, not without first freaking out when someone jumps from that level!! *heehee*

actually, i think ladies are much more easily moved than men. in my opinion. and yep, it doesn’t take much to move me to tears.

i was watching 爱情零度-C (Love at 0 deg C) on Channel 8 just now. the part where Yixin (played by Rui En) had her birthday celebration.

i have not had anyone who can move me so much as the guy, Weixiang (played by Elvin Ng) had moved Yixin. Surprising her with surprises one after another, presenting her with gifts which she never in her life would think that she would lay her hands on, and painstakingly preparing a birthday dinner at this very last moment.

one feels touched when she least expected that someone to do such things for her.

agree?

actually, as i wrote about this, i recalled something that someone had did for me, while we were overseas for a weekend.

yes, those days were one of the happiest moments i had, coz i didn’t expected that from him.

things he did, made me feel like a princess for that few days…

anyway…

i was quite moved too when i saw that part on TV tonite. it was just too unconditional, everything that Weixiang had done for Yixin.

does that happen too in real life?

many a time, people would say, “These things only happen on TV.”

somewhat on a related note…

are people too busy with working and earning money, that it is quite rare for them to think about what they do for their loved ones? all those money earning and career building might have resulted into less time with their partners, much less than thinking of ways and means to surprise and do something happy with/for them.

small little gestures do count.

it doesn’t matter how much you spend, or what you did. but it’s the little thought behind each action. and did you really give your heart and soul to doing this little thing?

even that simple little concern, which requires least effort, might mean a lot to that other person whom you show concern for.

especially if things have become so mundane that being around that person has become a natural and usual thing to do.

now think about what you can do for that special someone…it need not be elaborate, it need not require time-consuming preparations, it need not be expensive…

as long as it comes from the bottom of your heart….

感动，是什么?

this reminds me of an entry which i did long long time ago…

 

picture by ohluckygo

Now you see him, now you don’t

did i mention that i think i saw my ex last thursday?

i think so only.

i saw this guy walking past me at cairnhill carpark the other day that looks like him. i didn’t try to call out or something.

in fact, my first reaction was to walk much slower than him, though i did try to see his face to see if it was really him.

then suddenly he turned back to look at me. but i kept my head down upon seeing him turn his head.

that guy’s built is like him, but i thought he walked a lil differently.

maybe i thought too much?

or maybe i forgot his mannerism and walking style?

i didn’t know y i behaved like that.

i used to worry sometimes when i go for classes, as he works just across the road from where i attend my classes. there was once i bumped into him, maybe 2 years ago.

frankly speaking, i can’t remember much of our times together, though sometimes upon seeing things i could still be reminded of him.

and most distinctly, we broke off on National Day. but i can’t remember what year already. though i might still recall if i got down to counting back the years.

not that i hate him or something. but i thought maybe he can’t be bothered to associate with me anymore. after how he behaved the last time i asked him for help for one of my assignments.

so i didn’t make the effort to keep the friendship.

i dun keep his number, though i could still remember it by heart.

but then, i can remember a lot of telephone numbers by heart lor. heh~

whatever.

let bygones be bygones.

What if?

Let me ask you a 'what if' question… 

Would you forgive your spouse if you found out that he/she had another gal/guy behind your back?

much as the idea of a third party doesn't sound inviting to those who are 'victims' in the relationship, such things do happen in reality.

what do i feel? me thinks that:

if this does happen to me, i guess i would have forgiven him.

i am one who treasures whom i love, whom i give my feelings to.

i guess if i'm in the situation where i still feel for him very much, i would have forgiven him. but if i had somehow lost hope in the relationship, i would have let him go. i think the decision lies on the person in the situation itself. if you want to take the effort to make the whole thing work, things will work out by itself.

it should also depend whether one thinks with the heart or mind. when you think with the mind, logically, he/she would not have forgiven her/him because reality tells him/her that the relationship was somehow broken. and can never be mended at all.

if one thinks with the heart, it would have overruled all logic and reason and decision is mostly dependent on 'feel'. more often than not, forgiveness is among the list if something goes wrong.

it all depends on whether you can bear with it, or you would rather drop it, i guess.

would you forgive???

******

feelings can be cultivated, it requires time to bloom.

you can choose to control your feelings, or you can choose (or maybe sometimes there isn't a choice) not to control it but let it flow along.

在对的时候认识对的人，是一种幸福。
在对的时候认识错的人，是一种错误。
在错的时候认识错的人，是一种痛苦。
在错的时候认识对的人，是一种遗憾。

people might say, "you are not wrong to like him, coz human beings do have feelings."

but what if someone tells you the same thing, and the other party is someone who is attached?

would you say the same thing too? probably not.

you might ask instead, why are you continuing this relationship even when it is wrong?

but then, you should realise it is just the same thing of one falling in love with another one.

people are free to love, regardless of who you are, how rich/poor you can be. even like gays and lesbians, they are free to love who they want to love.

unfortunately, the truth does hurt sometimes. life is never perfect.

people look down on those third-parties who break other people's relationships or families. people shun from those who likes people of the same sex as them. breakups and divorces occur. that is the cold, hard truth.

are those involved in such 'abnormal' relationships wrong? maybe not so.

from another perspective, the only thing that they did wrong was to like the wrong person, maybe at the wrong time, or sometimes even at the wrong place.

like i say again, life is never perfect.

you can never dictate your own life, and execute what has been planned for the future.

can you ever predict your future spouse? never.

so why is it wrong?

just becoz you like someone whom you are not supposed to love? but can they control what is to happen?

if everyone could have total control, there will be no divorces, separations, gays and lesbian relationships, polygamy and of coz, third-parties.

everyone would find their soul-mates much easily, and there should be no more SDUs and marriage agencies.

coz everyone would have planned the best for themselves, they could.

everything would have been perfect with no disputes, no arguments, nothing.

i'm not trying to promote homosexual relationships, nor do i want to encourage third-party relationships.

i was just thinking from a different point of view which of coz you might want to dispute it.

i think ultimately, what matters is, people are contented and happy.

everyone has the right to love, don't we?

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